voice was heard in Ramah,
Lamentation, weeping, and great mourning,
Rachel weeping for her children,
Refusing to be comforted,
Because they are no more.”
and I had the blessing of making 8 sweet little babies.
lost before we could help them
we lost because I couldn’t carry it too and he/she never made it to freeze
2. 2 sweet, beautiful, precious little babies that I had the gift and the
pleasure and the honor of carrying for an entire week before they were lost to
us as well.
keep trying to think of a silver lining here. Light hearted things that
will make it “easier”. Oh hey! I can eat and drink whatever I want
now! Woohoo! I can keep wearing my size 6’s! I can keep sleeping through the
night! Or even, oh thank goodness. I’m so glad to be done with treatment! All
the needles and the pills and the blah blah blah.
the reality is, none of those things, even remotely- remotely- come close to
touching the total devastation and sadness that has consumed my heart over the
loss of my little embryo babies. Little babies that were half me and half Jim.
Little babies that I should have gotten to hold in my arms months from now but
instead, I will have to carry them in my heart as long as I live.
and for what I expect to be a very long time, I am Rachel.