The Reality Of A RE Office

  1. Thank you for being so open and honest about this! It really makes me want to share more in detail about my experience an where I am today with dealing with IF. The whole thing totally consumes you regardless if you are seeing a doctor or not. I feel ya sister!

    • You really should share more about your experience, Ashley. You have a lot of wisdom and information you could share.

      Even though we aren't going through medical treatment anymore, you are right, it absolutely consumes you. It is a condition I have to deal with daily. There are constant reminders of it and I still have to wrestle with it.

  2. Poe Kitten says:

    While I haven't had to see an RE yet, one of my good friends has. From what she has told me, her experience has been very similar to yours. Thank you for sharing so others going through the same thing can know they are not alone in this!

    • Absolutely! That is the whole point! Hopefully, it can help anyone at whatever stage they are in. Pre-infertility, current-infertility, or post-treatment. Please feel free to pass along to your friend if you think it would be beneficial to her 🙂

      Thanks for commenting! It's nice to see your face pop up!

  3. MeganB. says:

    The biggest *hug* Courtney.

  4. holy crap! Your clinic sucked balls. I have to agree about the nurses part but my doc was in on everything & even had his email which he woud promptly answer my questons. I still send him pics of the kids to thank him for being such a great person and doc. He has amazing success rates. I agree that it is a part time job at the least. All the blood draws continue at least 10-14 weeks in as well. I also figured out early that you have to be your on advocate. I hate to read this but love your honesty & your openness as it will open people hearts.

    • My office had an email system set up instead of having to deal with back and forth phone calls all the time. While it was convenient for quick answers, it made it so I never really talked to any of the nurses. Someone random would always answer my questions and it was never anything but very to the point and clinical.

      As far as success rates, it's not that I really fault them for not getting me pregnant. I don't believe we could have done anything differently and ended with a different result. It was just all of the surrounding stuff in the office that bothered me a lot.

      I discovered too late that I needed to be my own advocate. I{wrongly} assumed the more invasive my treatment became the more attention I would receive. By the time I was in the IVF boat, I felt it was too late to switch clinics. Jim and I seriously talked about it after my first IVF cycle was canceled. But the thought of waiting for another referral, another consult, more waiting with a Dr. who hadn't been working with us….all of it persuaded me not to switch. But maybe we should have. Hindsight is 20/20.

  5. Tricia Regar says:

    This sounds so rough, Courtney, and I am genuinely sorry about all of it that you've had to deal with. It's funny… different people struggle with different things, and they can look at the other person's life and think, "I wish I lived like them/looked like them/WERE them," etc., but they probably don't see the whole picture of what's really happening. Thank you for allowing me to see a bit more of your life. I appreciate that. 🙂

  6. Though I can't completely relate to what you have/are going through, I have seen it first hand. (I think I told you a little about my sisters infertility journey). And I so much appreciate your willingness to be so open about things. And you're right… more people need to spend time learning and hearing about these experiences. People dealing with infertility go through so much heartache and definitely have all of my compassion and sympathies. xoxo

  7. Vanessa says:

    Oh girl, we need to meet up next time I'm home…we could talk for HOURS. I got the red carpet treatment the first time around, but this time has been different and they've let a lot of things slip. Two weeks ago my nurse gave me the wrong directions while my doctor was out of the country–so yay, cancel that cycle! I know to them it's a job, but it's a LOT more to us…it's our lives…and our potential children!

    I truly am so sorry you're going through this, Courtney. I'll be praying for you–I mean it!!! XOXO

    • Yes we should!! Ha, I could definitely talk about this for hours. As I'm sure you can tell, I'm a total open book haha.

      I wonder if there is a difference with secondary infertility treatment as opposed to primary. I hate to think that there could be, but it's something I've pondered.

      As far as it being their job, I get that. I totally do. But, I feel like there are certain medical professions that require extra sensitivity and care. Like, a dentist doesn't need to be as sensitive as say, an oncologist. Ya know? And yes! We are dealing with LIFE. With our babies. It's not flippant and it's not a job. It's a huge, huge, huge, deal.

      Praying for you too. I didn't realize you were dealing with this as well. Thank you for sharing with me. xo

  8. Candace says:

    Just spent some time catching up wth a dear friend who has gone through a very similar experience. I was so thankful to have had the honest information and feelings you've shared to better relate to her and empathize. Thank You Courtney for sharing!

  9. Tara says:

    all I can say is "MMMMHHHHHMMM"

    my story is different, but doctors when dealing with infertility has not been great! I feel for you! I relate (in a totally different infertility story, if that makes sense! 🙂 )

  10. Amy says:

    Hey Courtney! New follower. 🙂 I'm so sorry that you've had to experience this. I appreciate your openness & honesty so much. I truly do.

  11. *colette* says:

    I have been going to an RE for 4 months now and I couldn't agree more with everything you said. I haven't told many people about our struggle, including my employer, which makes it really difficult to make excuses for the tons of appointments. I love your last couple of sentences. I really don't think people understand just how difficult infertility is. I have friends who have recently gotten pregnant by accident and are complaining about how they don't have enough time or money for another kid. I want to punch them! While I don't wish this problem on anyone, I do with people would be more sensitive. Thank you for sharing your story. It is nice to know I'm not alone. #sitsblogging

  12. Clarissa Hooper says:

    Hi Courtney, your Kindred sprit Clarissa (from Munchkins and Moms) commenting here 😉 So glad you shared your story. Matt and I never could see an RE. It was not covered by insurance and neither was IVF. Our journey ended after a year of Clomid. But God is good and His plan was perfect! We were lead by Him to adoption and we are blessed by the choice. Thanks for your courage to share. I've posted and deleted a similar post about my experience of infertility. I think it is time I revisit the issue though. On another note- my family has taken several missions trips to Joplin to help with rebuilding. Are you from there?

  13. Emily says:

    I am so sorry to hear that your experience was so stressful & negative (like trying to deal with infertility isn't hard enough). My husband & I just completed our 2nd IVF cycle, and our first attempt (in 2010), while not nearly as impersonal as your experience, was not what we expected. However, our clinic (in St. Louis) hired a new medicalll director, and this time around has been incedible. Our interaction and 24/7 access to the staff and doctor made a huge difference & our doctor was present for every test and procedure. I don't know where you & your husband are in your journey, but if you are considering continued treatment, I would highly recommend our doctor. Feel free to email me if interested (

  14. Katie says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I found your blog via Pintrest. I just started my second cycle with the RE clinic, and I am glad to hear that my experience is not abnormal. Thankfully, my RE clinic is only ten min away. I cannot imagine driving 1.5 hours three times a week!

  15. Rebecca Tupuritis says:

    Thank you! I just found your blog via pinterest and am so relived. I thought I was the only one who felt like just another statistic at my REs office. And while I'm not happy to hear someone else has experienced this as well, I am happy that I'm not alone! Thank you and I look forward to following your blog more. Hang in there – this process is not the best, but all we can do is keep faith that it'll happen some day!

  16. Just spent quite a bit of time reading through your posts. Thank you for sharing!!! I for sure have high expectations for my RE appointment and now know to tone it down because it likely won't be all that I've imagined it to be in my head. What a crappy thing to go through. I'll be praying for you and thank you for being so open!

  17. Anonymous says:

    This post about your RE experience, along with others is true. But, not as bad as it sounds. It seems like you were in a very bad place with infertility, and that is understandable. It is good to shed light on the realities, but it's not really all that bad. My RE hits on pretty much all of the same that yours does, but my outlook isn't nearly as dreary. Sure, it sucks. Sure, it can be frustrating. But, it's IVF, not the prom with your high school sweetheart. Did you really think it would be all sunshine and butterflies? The above experience still beats ANY regular Dr's appointment I have ever had. I never wait for my BW or US appts, but my primary and reg OBGYN leave me sitting for over an hour. Everything is always spelled out for us to choose for with treatment, because it's our bodies and our choice and our money. And the LAP procedure is a last ditch effort for a reason. I chose to go ahead with it before my IVF, but it's because I spent the time researching the reasons for it, and I asked for it. It's important to take control of your own journey. The RE does the best they can with what they know about science and how your body will react, but other than that they can only guess. My mother and aunts NEVER even had the option to do IVF. So some of them just went childless. THAT is awful! At least we have this option, and it is worth every cent and ever minute of pain and time. I also don't sit here and say this with a child of my own either. I have primary infertility and it is unexplained. I don't know if my IVF cycles will work, but I do know I went into this with the reality that it may not. And I can't blame everyone else for that. I usually love reading all the down and dirty to help me prepare for various stages in this journey, but your post is not doing much to inform, but more to complain. As I mentioned first, that is totally understandable. IF sucks. But, please don't scare others who may just be beginning this journey. For some. it's worth it. For others, it's not. Both are OK.

  18. Kendra says:

    Thank you for sharing. I am considering calling an RE tomorrow actually and this helps me somehow to feel more empowered in the midst of a whirlwind of things where I feel completely out of control.

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